The Clandestine Gamblers
Updated: Oct 15, 2021
Golf & Country clubs in Pakistan are mostly member based entities. The elite and privileged class utilize these facilities at their leisure, and they are a great source of employment as well. Many sorts of people walk on the fairways. Course maintenance staff, midway hut butlers, managerial wizards, course marshals, and more. They all keep the ship running to facilitate the golfers. Perhaps every entity is an engine, some comes as metal, but others come in flesh. There is another species that owns that grass. We call them caddies.
There is a huge difference between caddy and caddie. Caddy is a Malay word for tea container. It traveled to the English world with the tea leaves from East Asia. While caddie is a Scottish word for a person who does odd jobs. Otherwise, in terms of the great game of golf, it means a way to carry golf clubs.
The relationship between golfer and caddie is as delicate as putting. One small misread leads to a big loss. A little coordination between the caddie and the golfer makes a huge difference. There is a whole new meaning to the word ‘soulmate’ on the golf field.
The best caddies know how to quickly get a read on their player and what makes a golfer tick. They also know that golf is a hard and frustrating sport. A part of their job is to mitigate loss of time, lighten the mood, and take the tension out of the player, particularly after a less than ideal shot. They usually use one liners for that. Here are some famous ones,
Player: “Right edge?”
Caddie: “I’m not sure. I don’t read putts for triple bogey.”
After a player drained a long putt for a big number, the caddie said, “Well isn’t that whipped cream on a pile of shit.”
Player at the end of the round, “What do I owe you?”
“The first thing you owe me is a f * * king apology.”
When asked by the horrible player, “Do you think I can reach the green with a 5-iron?,” the caddie said, “Eventually.”
Golfer on putting for 8th, “What’s the line?”
Caddie, “To your pocket sir?”
Gymkhana caddies are the ‘best’. Even if your ball is going to the east, they will find it from the west. You are sure you are playing with Srixon 3, but they will pull Callaway 1 from the hole. Still it will be your ball. In the foggy season, it is not easy to survive a hole in one. Once your tee shot heads into trees, they will find it almost 300 yards from the best possible area. On top of that, you will have a clear shot for the second. Those who hit it away from fairways with a little assistance from an expert Gymkhana caddie usually end up at par with the hole. I used to wonder why do they such things? Why they do all that for free? No strings attached?
Through intense and mind blowing research, I have come to know that many caddies at Gymkhana usually bet on the players they caddie. Their players are mostly unaware of that. Gamblers’ destiny always stays in rotation yet bad luck sustains. Whether in golf, gambles, or in life, our goal goes from profit and fun to minimizing the risk, that’s how we find the peace we mistake for a boring life. Everything sturdy starts with stability. Whether we like it or not it’s a great way of betting. It might as well be the most thrilling. Although I don’t approve gambling at all, what I really hate is reneging on scores. It kills the buzz.
When it comes to players like me, neither deceit nor the Devil comes handy. No Lucifer can repudiate the scores of the golfers who are used to strokes. They can sometimes beat the mighty and at times they can lose to a beginner. We keep committed to surprising ourselves and others as well. So caddie miracles are useless when we are at play. Caddies and their gamble aside, golf is a gentleman’s game and honesty is the best policy. Play fairly on freeways, greens, and the highway of life.
Lahore Gymkhana GCC
Golfer, Blogger, Entrepreneur, Author, Poet, Wanderer, photographer, Rebel.
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