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  • Writer's pictureAhsan Jamil

I'd Love To Lose

Of course I wanna win in all walks of life nonstop, repeatedly. Players play to win, to stand out, to shine and to attain the spotlight. The gloat of standing on the podium even for a few seconds, makes me exercise, practice and sweat. I do push ups when others sleep. I jog while friends gulp beer. I net practice and my roommate goes clubbing. I diet where siblings pounce on pizza. I sleep when my spouse watches a movie. Why all this hassle? Just to win and lift the trophy whether it is a tournament or a friendly match.

“Of all the titles that I have been privileged to have, ‘Dad’ has always been the best.” - Ken Norton

Can we say winning is all that matters? No! Sometimes there are undoubtful moments, insane pleasure, deepest satisfaction, unparalleled peace, incalculable compassion, undeniable love, incapacitating crave, and cheerful surrender that inundate my heart with desire of defeat. These defeats are sweeter than triumphs, more fulfilling than winnings. These are defeats by my young ones, by my daughters and by my sons.

We play many games together, sometimes golf, usually poker. We also play monopoly and video games. Losing to them is my victory. It’s fun to transubstantiate the love of myself into an ancestral chain of proclivity. Generations after generations, parental intimacy has escorted humanity through all challenges to this day.

Thanks to the likes of Christine De Pizan, ‘The Shakers’, and Women’s suffrage; we now live in a society where caregiving is not only the mother's domain rather fathers are an equal partner. Today’s children are also raised in gender equality. I wonder how parents could have loved one more than the other. Unfortunately, gender discrimination was a bleak chapter in human history. I am glad I was not living in that era.

Defeated by love

The sky was lit

by the splendour of the moon

So powerful

I fell to the ground

Your love

has made me sure

I am ready to forsake

this worldly life

and surrender

to the magnificence

of your Being.


It’s not only their win that matters. I asked a question to their mother about what she feels when kids win a match from her, “It feels like all of the prayers that I have been making are being answered” she replied. Truly I get the same excitement. I want to see them perform and be much better than me. I want them to be what I have always wanted to be. Their loss is mine and their victory is mine.

Youth nowadays doesn't find much time to spend with parents. Once they do, the day begins to twinkle and night shines all the way to the laughing moon. Two of my sons and a daughter play golf with me every now and then. Each one of them hits a low screaming bullet that starts out rabbit high and rises like an eagle to feather landing on the fairway. I love to see them putt. I can’t express how good it feels to pace down the Eden of golf with this crew of innocence.

The journey of love begins in paradise and it comes here all the way to my heart. I can imagine Adam’s eyes glued to Eve's, springing love as God sprinkled birth of humanity. That’s when parenthood was first seeded. If God is the creator of mankind, man is the initiator of attachment. If angels were the founders of worship, humans were architects of adoration.

Intentional losing just out of love wouldn’t matter much. My children’s competency, hard work, and laborious efforts would guarantee me the welfare of the future generations. Losing to their better play is the climax of the whole affair.

See what I see

If you could see what I see when I look at you,

You'd definitely love you, too.

You would hold your head up high,

For you possess beauty that no one can deny.

If you could see what I see when I look at you,

There's no way you'd be so down and blue.

You wouldn't be able to contain your smiles,

For your charm goes on for miles and miles.

If you could see what I see when I look at you,

You'd know there's nothing you can't do.

You'd do things without fear you'll fail,

For you've got many talents yet to unveil.

Please try to see what I see when I look at you.

You will feel refreshed and new.

All the anger, shame, and insecurities will just go.

I promise BABY GIRL, you are too good to ever hang your head low.

-Selena Odom

Ahsan Jamil

Golfer, Author, Poet, Blogger, Entrepreneur, Wanderer.


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Amanullah Khan
Amanullah Khan
May 10, 2020

Your kindness some time is deterrent also.... shall attempt..


Ahsan Jamil
Ahsan Jamil
May 10, 2020

Missing your analysis


Amanullah Khan
Amanullah Khan
May 10, 2020

Instincts given words on mother day.

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